In the past couple of years as I’ve been learning about how to get out of my own self-imposed writing cage, I’ve had many epiphany moments.

A huge lesson learned is… when I act with self-kindness and self-compassion toward myself when I make mistakes, that’s when my writing flows with greater freedom and creative flow.

This has been an incredible discovery for me. I realized that instead of using self-criticism as a weapon to move me to action to meet my writing goals(which never worked), if I forgave myself for mistakes and found self-compassion as a writer, somehow that gave me a new freedom to write.

As you read below, I share how you can develop self-kindness to let your writing flow with more creative freedom. This is an excerpt from my newest book, Finish Your Book  releasing Oct. 28, 2018 😉

An Excerpt from Finish Your Book…

“The essential element in nurturing our creativity lies in nurturing ourselves.”

Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way

Since our creativity is nurtured and expanded by our self-compassion, it makes sense to set up habits and routines that would help us to practice this in our writing life.

Here are three ways that have helped me develop self-kindness in my writing practice and have helped take action in my writing:

1.Set ‘I want to do this’ goals instead of ‘I have to do this’ goals.

When you set goals that feel joyful to carry out, it’s something that you can lean into to help you take action. Those ideas you are excited to do, typically mirror your unique writing path. Choosing goals that feel more like self-love have a magnetic pull on you because they express what you truly desire, instead of choosing goals that make you feel burdened, trapped or guilty about something.

There will be some things you do in your writing business that might seem like “I have to do this” goals.

When you find a boring, but essential chore to do(aka like writing out monthly expense and revenue reports for your author business), choose to reframe it to yourself in a way that feels like self-kindness. For instance, you could look at doing your expense and revenue reports monthly as “I am committed to doing this regularly, so I can create the financial security and peace of mind I really want.”  

In other words, reframe your I-have-to into an expression of I-want-to and those mundane tasks will start to feel like you are doing yourself a favor.

2.Surround Yourself with Encouragers and Accountability Partners.

Part of embracing self-compassion in your writing is to surround yourself with people who will encourage and support you in this new transition and upgrade you have chosen to step into.

When you make an upgrade in your writing, such as finishing your book, it’s important to ask yourself who will support and encourage you to help make it easy for you to achieve your goal?  As I’ve connected with other writers in Facebook groups, I’ve realized that people who are the most supportive have one thing in common: they can see the you that is just-emerging and they can see the future that hasn’t arrived yet and they tell you that your vision is doable and you are destined to do this. I’ve found this support also in my own husband and children. So look at relationships around you in friends, family, mentors or writing peers that could encourage you in this writing journey.

Besides needing people who support us, we also need those who will hold us accountable to the goals we set for ourselves. I’ve found that being accountable to a group of friends in a Facebook Group works well, but find what works the best for you. Maybe, you have a friend that you could email or call to give you the encouragement and accountability you need to take action in areas where you might be tempted to procrastinate.

In my own experience, I’ve noticed that when I’m accountable to someone that I take action, I overcome fears and my behavior shifts to do what I said I would do. I encourage you to find one or two people who you have as a support and accountability partner to help you make steady progress toward your writing goals.

3.Try Self-Compassion to Search for Answers When You Get Stuck.

As you work on writing and finishing your book, it is inevitable that there will be times when you feel stuck. Sometimes there will be moments when distraction has caused you to veer off course or there are other details you had to deal with in real life.

However, when you get stuck – whatever the reason – try to search for answers as to why you are stuck, using self-compassion. It’s much too easy to beat yourself up and tell yourself you’re lazy or a not-so-good writer when you’re having a bad day.

Instead of letting your inner critic take over, I want to encourage you to practice self-kindness. This means simply asking yourself: Darling, what’s going on that you are feeling stuck? Why are you letting procrastination slow you down from writing this scene or chapter in your story and what do you need so you can move past it?  As you listen, the answer will come to you. Simply act on that inner wisdom you hear.

As you begin to use these three ways to develop self-compassion in your writing, I hope it becomes your ‘go-to’ method to stop self-sabotage and unblock your creativity.

As you follow your calling to finish your book(s), and begin to be empowered in all your communication(writing, blogging, speaking or something else), you can expect that some sort of fear will show up to try to scare you and get you off track. You might even want to retreat back into your comfort zone for awhile.

But I really hope you don’t run for cover back to your cave. My hope is that before you retreat back to safety, you will remember to try practicing some of the strategies in this book.

Embrace the changes and the stretching. Accept that mistakes will happen. Choose to step up into new habits.

Some of these changes that will show up in your writing life will be gradual and other changes will seem more sudden.

However, no matter how this shift into your upgrade happens, there’s no better feeling than looking around one day with a new awareness of how far you’ve come.

When you look in the mirror and see that braver version of yourself that has a new freedom to write.

[end of excerpt]…

 

How have you embraced self-kindness as you write?  Please do share in the comments below, I’d love to hear your thoughts 🙂