When you tell people “I’m writing a book” or “I’m an author,” people around you have many different reactions. You can get negativity or support and pats on the back or anything in between.

Sometimes the negativity you get from others can be quite painful, especially if this has been a lifetime dream for you or something that makes you feel vulnerable when you talk about it.

Normally your spouse, partner or family are supportive of your goals, but there are moments when they just don’t get it either. Sometimes, you might surprise them by what you write. I know my husband and children were a little surprised when I wrote about romance mixed with supernatural elements and Black Hand terrorists set in early 1900’s Russia. It wasn’t really what they were expecting.

So what helps writers to navigate through all these expectations and reactions from people?

A Couple Helpful Thoughts to Remember…

If you’ve been feeling the pressure of other people’s opinions, or worried about your writing in any way, here’s a few thoughts that might help you pull yourself out of a funk and back on an even keel.

Everyone will have an opinion about the fact that you’re writing a book. When you first start out you might not tell anyone you are writing for fear of what they might say. It’s good to remember that lots of people talk about writing a book, but very few actually finish one. People reactions and comments are mixed with both criticism and praise when you tell them you’re writing a book.

I remember feeling like I should apologize to people for writing the book I did. I think much of that was lack of confidence and fear of judgement. This is something that changes over time as you become proud of writing and publishing your books.

I found, that I got more criticism and judgement during the editing and rewrite process. But to be fair, some of these negative feelings could have come from having to do such intensive rewrites and edits on my first book. I felt like the criticism started to fade away as the editing process continued and as I showed people that I was really going to get this book done. Then as I began to tell more people, I started to hear more encouraging comments.

It’s normal to put a lot of yourself into the book you write. If it’s fiction or non-fiction, you’ll find that what you write is an expression of who you are. This is normal. After all, what you pick as your topic, reflects on the person you are. And let’s be honest, people will judge you by what you write…. but people will judge you anyway.

I found that the problem is worse when you only have one book out there. Because that book then becomes the only thing people judge you on and the main thing for people to criticize or attack. Once you have more books, you can start to loosen up a bit, as there are different sides of you to show to others. Your confidence in yourself and who you are as a writer will begin to grow as you are a published author.

You Have to Realize that Some Readers will not Like Your Book. This is something that all writers face. But this is much tougher to work through when you are still a new author and emotionally connected to your book. I remember feeling rejected as a person when my book was rejected.

When you’ve written your first book, you have to try to let it go and realize that when people don’t like your book – it’s not personal. It could be that what you were writing about was not for them. And that’s okay. Other people will want to read your work.

How can you handle all these challenges?

1. When someone says something unkind and that is painful for you to hear, breathe deeply and take time to rethink what they said. Is it helpful feedback – constructive criticism – that you can use to make your story better? If that answer is yes, write it down and use it. If it’s a comment that doesn’t help, then dismiss it and tuck the information away that this person is not someone with whom you want to share your books with again.

2. Realize that every writer goes through this. How you feel is normal. Everyone who writes a book – especially their first book – feels very much out of their comfort zone. Since you are not experienced or an expert in writing books, you’ll most likely hear more criticism. Most of all, don’t be hard on yourself. Accept that you’re on a learning curve and that much like anything you learn, there will be some lessons to learn before you make it to your writing goals.

3. Speak positive words about you and your writing. What you have to say matters. You can write a book and be an author. You are an artist. You are creative. Choose Yourself. You are a Writer. Give yourself permission to write your book. Say these positive, affirming words over and over again.

4. You can reach your goal. Writing and publishing your book is something you can do. It will take it patience and writing at times, even when it’s the last thing you want to do. But you can do it. Remind yourself that writing is a long term deal and savour the journey.

Remind yourself, when people are critical of your work, to take it in stride, use the comments if they’re helpful and keep writing. Everyday you write you’re moving closer to your dream.

Have you had criticism on something you’ve written? Was it helpful or not? I’d love to hear your story in the comments.